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What Language you're using
Crash and burn offers clues
By: Anonymous
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 oders humor:
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."
-OR-
The Departmemt of Defence shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette.
-OR-
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
APL: You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.
-OR-
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
BASIC: Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue entire lower body is waterlogged.
BASIC (Compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missle launcher.
BASIC (Visual): You shoot yourself in the foot, but you're having so much fun doing it that you don't care.
CLIPPER: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail _REAL_SOON_NOW_.
COBOL: USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs to be retied.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
csh: After searching the manual until your foots falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.
DBase (any version): You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.
DBase: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next verson of the gun is the one scheduled to actually shoot bullets.
DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up.
English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
Forth: yourself foot shoot.
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability.
-OR-
You shoot yourself in each toe, itertively, until you run out of toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway since no exception processing was anticipated.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
Machine Language: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, gunpowder, the bullet, and your foot.
Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in the language, you shoot yourself in the head. -OR- You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
Pascal: You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.... except that the bullet is not the right type for the gun and your hand is blown off.
PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the offline bullets. The Data Processing & Payroll Department doubles its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your foot.
Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in your face.
- OR -
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain
Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
scheme: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
sh, csh, etc.: You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.
Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
-OR-
After playing with the grapics for three weeks the programming manager shoots you in the head.
SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).
SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the end of your leg.
Unix % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls % 
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